Crazy Lake

Crazy Lake

To come across something so stunning and out of this world was rather dream like.

As we drove miles and miles on a dirt road with the gas light on and as trespassing signs after trespassing signs flew by us we grew  a little weary.

I think we all felt a sense of exploration as we rationalized our reckless expedition.

When the vibrant purple haze appeared in the horizon we knew we had found something, we knew we had found it, our muse.  This lake was purple with cotton candy edges and salty white beaches.

As we climbed down the hill-side onto the salt it was indescribable.  I could hear my thoughts as if all sound was being vacuumed air tight all around us. Everything was illuminated as if all shadows and darkness were exposed and cleared away. It diminished my ugliness away.

Collision of my Cosmo

Four Week Feature Family

In the month of August I was involved in a project that would alter my whole reasoning.

Will Lowell, Gabi Madsen, Brigitte Choara, Mike Lavoie, Michael Redfield, James Fauvell, Clint Byrne, Keith Boynton,  Sumi Lee, Chad Sonenberg, Derek Van Gorder, Lee Gilliant.  *Missing Matt Young

From the Bay to Castro

As Vivi and I drove off on an impromptu road trip to San Francisco we were super excited to see a handful of our friends from the film festival circuit.   We arrived into the city at 4am after driving 10 hrs from Salt Lake City and the day before that I had just gotten back from Boise and drove 5hrs only to sleep in my bed for one night.

Waking up to a beautiful San Francisco sunrise right over the city was out of this world, it seemed like it was taking the sun hours to come up.  We discovered the Castro district and walk around Hyatt street and as we walked around the city we discovered a few of Banksy’s art.

From our first day there to our last 6 days later it was filled with daily adventures in the city.  I hadn’t been to the bay area in almost 10 years the weather was great, skies were blue and the ocean air was intoxicating.  We meet up with a handful of friends as we made guest appearances at the theaters and even had some time to meet up with some of the girls from the Holiday for dinner.

The city was nothing like I remembered.  It’s weird to me when I’m in a city and I can no longer hear my thoughts racing through my head. I felt at ease and maybe even comfortable, I felt at home.

I could have spent hours here just looking and walking through this park.  The city was like my play ground there was so much culture, sports, and every where I looked I saw a great photo op.  Even on our last day there when Lucy was broken into and all my clothing was stolen I still loved the city and saw what could be.  This was a great stint of my year adventure to find myself I wouldn’t change anything but maybe leave my doors unlocked.

I saw Green

You know it ain’t easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There’s no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I’m telling you
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
They’ve been knockin’ me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won’t go away

C.C Sideways

The after math

After Chicago I was changed, I never expected for me to feel this way and I was always bothered by people who showed this emotion.

After Chicago I looked back at my life and noticed how I kept people who cared for me at arms length and how I would alter my friendships with certain people.

When I saw the river turn green and I went through that experience on my own I couldn’t wait to see my friends.  My friends who no mater what would help me, push, support and love me.  My “Fab 7″ mean the world to me they helped me through a very difficult time.  They showed me what I DID have in my life and reminded me of what I wanted and could have, not to dwell on what I gave up.

The night before I left Chicago I celebrated St. Patrick’s Day until 4 am and had a flight across town that left at 7am.  I was scheduled a few connecting flight and a lay over to look forward to.  As I arrived to Salt Lake at 4:30 all I wanted to do was take a shower jump in Lucy, and so I did.

I was desperate to see Megan.  Her friendship kept me going and meant the world to me, and after my trip it was more clear how she actually got me though the transition.  I love her, I have never met anyone kinder.  Who else would I drive 5 hours and get into Boise at midnight for?

I might be more vulnerable and actually have feeling to hurt but I wouldn’t  change my new vision on things for anything.  I value things so much more- It always has been about the experience for me but now… It feels and looks soooo much better. Can’t wait to relive certain experiences, I look forward to it.

To my “Fab 7″ Megan, Couey, Greg, Hilari, Dom, Jenny, Kelly.   Also of course to my other friends whom I love; Kelsey, Matt, Paul, Kim, Vivi, Red, Joe, Fred, and Mulder- Thank You.

Chicago

This city came out of no where, It was so beautiful and I didn’t expect to fall in love with it as I did.  To start off the history and originally it holds is breath taking, granted it’s no New York but it sure comes in a close second.

The restaurants, coffee shops and bars make this city so unique.  For the whole week and a half I was there I didn’t eat any american food.  Every day was a different experience.

Driving through the city it was great to see movie land marks.  I almost cried when I saw the sights of Dark Night which is one of my favorite movies.  Also the great mobster land marks are unreal.

I had my days and nights packed with all sort of different friends through out my walk of life (Thanks to all of you).  I had such a great time seeing my friends in their own surroundings.  They showed me little treasures around the city they knew I would love.

It felt so good to be out on my own, I walked the city and explored all major cross roads.  I could really see myself living there they had so many opportunities for creative outlets.  I’m not ready for New York but I may make Chicago happen, so much film is being made there and it’s everywhere.

Also the land mark I was raised to hate with every being in my body The great Wrigley Field, holy shit did that floor me.  This field was like if the city was made around it.  It’s treasured highly and I don’t think Chicago will do the same mistake as New York and tear down it’s history.  The stadium made me fall in love with baseball all over again.  I have been to many baseball fields all over the country and yet only Yankee Stadium and Wrigley Field have ever made me feel chills down my spine.  The buildings and bars around this field drink the kool-Aid every day and have the passion only true loves would hold.  I love this field… I don’t care if my boys find out. It’s all about the game.     This city gave me so much more than I originally had thought it would.  I plan to go back even if it’s just for months, I will take as much from this city as it can offer me.

March 13, 2010

For over 20 years I have waiting to see this in real life.  I can’t explain the infatuation and I wont try. I will say I wished I was Irish for as long as I can remember and my favorite holiday is Saint Patrick’s Day.

I’ve had this love hate relationship with Chicago due to some of my class mates and our Yankess vs The Cubs Nampa high class of “96 rivalry.  I didn’t care much for the city I only wanted to be there on St. Patricks Day to see the river turn green.  It’s been on my list of things to do for over 10 years.

As my leap, my free fall of 2010 came about I choose this year to be the year I found myself. I wanted to discover what I had and what I missed.  When I booked my ticket and it was a month out it felt like teeth were being pulled out every day till the day of departure.  I was so excited and unbelievably speechless about visiting Chicago over St. Patrick’s.

The day I got dropped off at the airport I was a nervous reck, I was so ready to have a life changing experience and at the same time terrified I was going to get horribly disappointed. I have traveled numerous times and never have I had such a great time as I did flying to O’Hare.

Skipping to March 13, 2010 the Chicago Saint Patrick’s Day parade held down town on the Saturday before the actual holiday.  The river was being turned green at 10am and we decided to get there at 9 to get a great seats by Clark Street bridge down by the river.  Our group got decked out I even had a fleece cape to keep me warm due to the rainy weather.  As I sat there on the ledge I was full of anticipation I couldn’t believe I had made this happen… by myself.  I was glad I didn’t do this with anyone, I’m glad I did this when I was single.

As I watched the river turn to a vibrant green tears started flowing down and a piece of me was released. It was weird, I can’t even describe it, it was liberating.  This act of transformation of the river actually transformed me, unwilling and justified.  I had received something I really never had before, or knew how to handle.

I had sight of me.